Arachnida

I have arachnophobia.  Meaning, I practically die whenever a spider ventures into view. 

This is a self prescribed diagnosis, but I don't need the experts to tell me what I already have pretty much confirmed. Yes, sir. This is a genuine fear.

I'm not joking. 

Spiders are not humorous in any way, shape, or form. I am terrified of the little buggers -- they are the spawn of the devil.  

Creepy. Creepy. Creepy.

When I have nightmares, they usually include one, many, or all of the following (but not necessarily in this order):

• robbers
• spiders
• eels
• sharks
• tapeworms 

We just finished studying the Class Arachnida in Biology... good times. *gags* 

I never wanted to know so much about spiders. Ever. It was not an enjoyable time. 

While I was studying in the kitchen tonight, I decided to take a little break. So, I got up and looked through the pile of mail, which was sitting on our countertop. 

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted something. This little something happened to be brown, hairy, and had eight, horrible legs. 

It darted across the kitchen floor. 

To say I flipped out would be an understatement (gosh, I guess I say a lot of things are an understatement). 

I screamed very loudly. 

Since I was petrified with this gripping fear, I stood and called for someone who is braver and stronger than I.

This is how it all transpired.

Christine: "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Help! Mom?! Dad?!! Anyone?????"

No response...

Christine: "Help!!!"

Mom: (sounding kind of annoyed -- the little ones were already tucked in bed)" What?"

Christine: "Come quick!"

Mom: No reply

Christine: *frantically* "There is a SPIDERRRRR in here"

Mom: "A fire?"

Christine: "Yes, a spider. Please, come help me now!"

Mom: (rushing into the kitchen) "Where is it? Wait, I don't see any fire?"

Christine: "No, I said s-p-i-d-e-r. Can you kill it now?"

Mom: Just stares at Christine...

Christine: "Hurry! You must kill it before it runs under the.... Oh, NO! Look! It's going under the floor!" 

The despair starts to sink in.

Charlie Brown corners the spider next to the baseboard.

Christine shrieks and shudders.

Seconds later, dad arrives on the scene.

Dad: "What is going on down here?"

Christine: "There is a huge spider. Yes, down there. Oh, kill it, kill it, kill it!!!!"

Dad: (gets some tissue from the bathroom and squishes the little monster)

Christine: *shudders*

Mom: *earnestly* "You're not going to cry now, are you?"

Dad: *glances from Christine to mom*

Mom: "Well, the only time she ever cries is when she sees a spider."

Christine: *looking a little bit unsure* "No, I will not cry about this tonight."

Mom: (walks back into the other room, trying to withhold a bemused grin)

Dad to Christine: "Do you want me to spray for them?"

Christine: *contemplative pause* "Could you?"

Dad: *laughs* "Not inside, but I'll spray for them around the house."

For the record, that was the hugest spider I have ever seen. It was a horrifying experience. 

And, where there is one, you can bet your bottom dollar there are more. Oh dear...

I could say more about this, but I won't. Mostly because reliving what happened thirty minutes ago, doesn't exactly help my... umm... condition. I'm pretty much what you'd call a nervous wreck right now.

For the record, my dad is my hero. Obviously. 

This is what it looked like... more or less. *shudders.*  Apparently, this is an unrealistic fear... yeah, right. 

Now, I am having an unbelievably hard time looking at my blog. Great.